Over the past two years, I have learned more about, felt deeper with and gotten closer in touch with my heart than ever before. I have spent most of my adult life in serious relationships, and there was always a part of me that was afraid of being alone and without a partner. Thirty-five years into my life and I am finally beginning to see that experiencing times of solitude can provide the space for accelerated growth and expansion that can only be done within oneself.
I have been through two breakups over the past two years which has forced me to face a whole lot of emotions and examine decisions that I’ve made on a very deep level. It has forced me to learn to push through the times of loneliness, anxiety and despair and to learn to rely on myself, not always having a partner to lean on or have help from. I am finally beginning to find ease with these things, and I am really starting to appreciate and love the time I spend doing things alone, regardless of what it is. After my most recent breakup, one of my yoga students said to me, “You are not alone. YOU are a person, and you are SO lucky to be able to spend time with you.” The more I remind myself of this, the more I remember that I am never, and never will be, alone. The fact that I am having a temporary experience of not having a partner simply means that there is work that still needs to be done within myself, so that when my next relationship does come, I can really step into it from a place of being whole, not a place of emptiness or brokenness, needing someone else to fill a void that is missing within me.
Love is such a funny thing. I truly believe that once we form a close bond with another, whether that be family, friendship or romantic partnership, there is never really a true end to that connection.I have had four serious relationships and I still think often about each of my ex-partners and each day can see pieces of my life being influenced in some way by each of those partnerships and the things I learned from them. I wonder sometimes if they will ever completely disappear from my thoughts. It’s as if I am still carrying a piece of their essence and they a piece of mine. I wonder what type of cords we are energetically attaching when we form a romantic partnership with someone, and what it takes and if it’s even possible to truly cut those cords completely. I wonder how many of us are walking around with energetic cords still attached to others, long after we have physically separated from each other, and how those attachments affect our current and future partnerships.
This life is quite the journey through emotion and expansion. Although it can be painful and difficult, I am so very grateful for this life and for all of the things I have learned and am still learning. Each and every one of my experiences has taught me so much and helped to shape the woman I have become today. And the most beautiful part is that there is no end. Each day, each connection, each experience is yet another opportunity to learn, to grow and to expand, and the expansion is limitless.
